Putting Away Christmas

Last night at K's house we took down the Christmas tree.

She had actually wanted to take it down back on the first (pretty much like everybody else) but she deferred to my obsession with the dates of the season and let me keep the damn thing up until Epiphany. So last night, accompanied by my astonishingly perfect Egg Nog, we peeled the lights off the tree and said goodnight and thanks to the tree.

Today, after a week of semi-solace and a few unanticipated difficulties, I am moving on to continue my relocation project. Due to somewhat unforeseen circumstances I had to move out of the place I've been living in for the last eighteen months and while I've found a place to work, I have yet to actually find a place to live. I'm not sure what this means right now, and the thing I take most comfort in is that I'm used to this state of reality.

After Katrina, I spent over a year with no "permanent place of residence." The thing I most learned from that time is that the idea of a "permanent place of residence" is a complete absurdity. It's somewhat the same as the strange fantasy of immortality that most of us spend most of our time living with. There is no safety... there is no solidity... there is no solid ground and all the attempts that we make (each of us in our own ways) are absurd and doomed to fail because ultimately... LIFE is a fatal disease. Or as Woody Allen put it, "Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon."

Everything in Our American Way Of Life (capitals intentionally added ) is created to maintain the fantasy that we can spend, fight, pray and force our way into security and stability, safety and prosperity.

But you can't... I can't... we can't.

That Jesus guy we claim to celebrate at this time of year already said it. To find your life... you've first got to lose it.

Well... here we go again.

In the meantime, I think my fellow Sonoma County resident has the right idea... "Always keep a diamond in your mind."