This is it!

Not quite 5 months ago I had a daunting dream of Kali and her minions taking me apart and putting me back together. I wrote about it here.

I've been living with that dream and with that image ever since... Really... I've been living with Kali since I first met her in Calcutta as she was climbing through my bedroom window on a dark night of the soul in 1985.

It all comes down to one thing... As Joseph Campbell once put it rather succinctly, "There must be Destuction before there is Creation."

I've been destroying some or all of my life for the better part of the last 20 years.

The most pressing fact for me, with regard to the economic catastrophe that we are presently living in, is an awakening to the reality that often I have been consistently engaged in activities and enterprises that I not only don't find fulfilling, they also don't support me in the way I am hoping and expecting them to. Too often they have been activities and circumstances that have stolen the joy from my life, my time with my children and family, and any sense of heart I struggle to maintain despite the ugly, sad, frustrating mess that so often passes for every day life.

What I know now is that it absolutely must stop!

I keep trying to figure out how to save my present circumstances without undergoing the destruction that is of necessity that precursor of rebuilding.

Yesterday I applied for a job here in Petaluma that could possibly be the "job I was created for." I have another job that I've been waiting to hear about, a job that harkens back to my spiritual and political roots; both are the kind of thing that I would LOVE doing, but who knows whether those who make such decisions will see things in that way.

What Kali says is that it all must go into the fire. If I've learned anything in my life as a temporal lobe epileptic religious freak with desperate entrepeneurial socialistic tendencies, it's that Easter Sunday can't come until you suffer through Good Friday.

The last five years have been a very excellent example of a LONG Good Friday; a friday that I have exposed and expressed on these posts (along with no small amount of good times as well, I really must add).

In any case... it feels like it's time to move on. Move on to what is not as clear as I would like it to be at the moment, but moving on into the dark will have to be my present mode.

So this is the last post at Quicksilver Amusements... As for what I said yesterday, I can't decide if I'll keep up on the other blogs or not. The simple fact is that what comes up on the other side of the hill is anybody's guess. All I really know is that I will never find true baptism and rebirth if I don't stop treading water.

Time to kill things off.

Nothing to see here... please move along.